A Traditional Dinner

            Saturday night, our language trainer, Abdul, invited the whole team over for a traditional Arab meal. He told us this was a test for all the things we’ve learned so far – He wanted to see what we remembered. Needless to say, we were all a bit nervous.

            Abdul lives with my two teammates, Will & Jason, who were co-hosting with him. The three of them were responsible for inviting us personally before the meal, and in such a way that we couldn’t turn down. Invitations are a very important thing in Arab culture, and the way you do them says a lot about whether or not you actually want the invitee to come, or how much you really value them. Because event start times are not set by the clock (i.e. “7 pm”), but by the Muslim daily prayers, we were told to arrive after the last prayer (which starts at 5:58pm). Around 7, I went over to their apartment with Jack & Lucy who brought me as their friend because as a single woman, I wouldn’t normally be invited to a single man’s home independently. Once the door opened, we were greeted, given drinks (they don’t offer, they just give them to you), and seated. The men and women sit in separate rooms throughout the entire night, not just the meal. After Arabic coffee came dates, then appetizers (which were more like desserts, actually), then tea. The host will continually offer you more to drink if your cup is empty, so if you don’t want more coffee, you leave a tad in the bottom, shake your cup, and say shukran (thank you). A small bowl of water is also on the table to rinse your fingers.

THREE HOURS after we sat down (10pm), we were told the food was ready and we could all go wash our hands. Cleanliness is very important to Muslims, so it is necessary to wash your hands in front of the other guests so they know your hands are clean. Our host brought each group’s food on a big round platter and put it on the floor (that’s right, the floor) for everyone to gather around. The plate is about 30” in diameter and filled with kabsa (rice, lamb, vegetables, spices, broth, etc…) which everyone eats with their hands. There is a certain position to sit in so everyone can sit as close to the plate as possible, but that still allows them to scoop the food from only their own area. Because I was the youngest person in the women’s group, I started the meal by putting the lamb/vegetables and broth over the rice in the middle. While eating or drinking you can only use your right hand, the left hand is unclean (from being used in the bathroom); you bring shame upon yourself if you use it. This means you cannot touch food with is, reach for things with it, or drink with it. Good thing I’m not left-handed like my dad. Once the eldest person is done eating, he/she will say Alhamdulilah (praise be to God), and then everyone stands up signaling the end of the meal. At that point, people proceed to wash their hands.

After dinner and its cleanup, tea and dessert were served. Abdul brought out a burning wood thing (which he says can get very expensive) in what looked like a silver chalice and passed it around the room for people to smell and to signal the formal festivities are over. We were told we could stay as long as we like, but since it was 11:30 by this point, we all headed home. Those who did say, however, went outside to smoke hookah (just Abdul and his housemates).   

**not all of this stuff is completely traditional for all Arab customs, some of it is  Abdul’s tribal customs. 

recent developments and random musings

Our team gets the day off Thursday to celebrate thanksgiving – so I will get to go to my Aunt’s (paternal grandmother’s sister) about 90 minutes south of here.

Answer to prayer: I now have a sub-leaser for my apartment! My roommate and I had some trouble when attempts to sublease fell through on a number of occasions, but I was confident the Lord would provide a solution. When I left to come down to training, we still hadn’t found someone to move in, so there was the possibility that my roommate would be forced to move out by December 1 – something I certainly didn’t want to do to her.  She called me today with news that she has found a subleaser who can stay in my bedroom the whole time I’m gone!

Today we took a break from some language training and had a Bible study. One of the organization’s directors came to lead it and it was a nice change of pace. He asked us to share a bit about ourselves which allowed me to learn even more about my team mates – well all know each other pretty well now, but we’re not very familiar with where we’ve all come from.

Things are still going well at my host home with Addell and Mahmood. Mahmood got a bunch of new toys as a gift from someone, so we’ve had plenty of entertainment. Between play-doh, coloring books, toy cars, light-up guns and action figures, he is never bored. Two nights ago he was so rambunctious with excitement that he missed the toilet and peed on the bathroom floor. I had him help me clean it up so Addell wouldn’t even know about it. Mahmood’s English has improved tremendously in the last ten days, it’s really quite amazing. He can understand Arabic very well, but he doesn’t speak it very much. I have been able to practice my Arabic with him when we play – the limited vocabulary I have seems to apply perfectly to crayons and racecars. Tonight I introduced them to microwave popcorn, which they seemed to like.

We’ve had some health issues on the team in the last few days; Jason had an allergic reaction to the penicillin in antibiotics prescribed to him for strep and had to go to an urgent care clinic, and Lucy has had horrible morning sickness that prevents her from coming to language classes occasionally. However, everyone seems to be fine now.

And get this: Jack Stone, my team’s leader, wrote a bunch of articles that have been published on USAtoday. He used his pen name because some of the articles are religious in nature; here is one of a few.

"the incident"

“I think the novelty of being with people from a different culture is wearing off and it now becomes us relying on God to [show] love [to] these people.” - JS

This a story of what happens when you offend an Arab and can potentially lose a friend:

     This past Saturday morning, our language teacher, Abdul, started class by telling us that he had something non-language related to talk about. He proceeded to tell us a story about how we offended him and that he was upset. Extremely long story short, the day before, we had made some lunch plans that he was unaware of, which caused him to feel excluded and shamed (he also made some assumptions about what we were doing with him later and turned down some other invitations to fit them).

     Typically, in Arab culture, if someone feels offended by another, the offended party doesn’t say anything to the offender, he waits for him to come apologize. It is up to the offender to figure out what he did wrong. Until it is worked out, they don’t talk to one another and this can go on as long as days or years.

     The only reason Abdul confronted us and told us what we had “done” to him, was because a mutual American friend of ours told him he should, that we needed to know what we had done because we are learning and wouldn’t want to make the same mistake again. Although I feel that Abdul didn’t really have a valid reason for being mad at us, even by his cultural standards, I am glad he told us and allowed us to apologize. If he hadn’t, the bitterness would grow in his heart and we could have potentially lost a friend in him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS - I re-ran my funding numbers last night and am at 92% (instead of the previously reported 98), which is still awesome! I will continue to trust that the Lord beings it in. 

Lucy's Journal Entry

Each night in our journal, we respond to the following question:
"What did you experience new, different, or unique?"


This was Lucy's answer:
btw, she's 2 months pregnant -
---------------------------------------------------------
Two words. Super King.

I’m pretty sure I left the United States to go grocery shopping tonight. What a crazy, stressful experience.

Claire picked me up a little before 5:30. Our car was packed, 14-month old Hagar did not have a carseat, Najwa AND Addell reprimanded a squirmy Mahmood all the way to the store while trying to give Claire directions in heavy traffic and I’m on the phone trying to leave a message for our director: Stressor #1. Loud store FULL of people who have much smaller bubbles of personal space than I have: Stressor #2. Najwa stopping in the middle of the aisle (blocking the flow of gazillions of people) to give me a quick Arabic lesson: Stressor #3. Najwa expecting me to remember and repeat (perfectly) what she had just taught me in Arabic while gazillions of people are pushing their way through the aisle to get around us: Stressor #4. Hagar begins to get fussy, is grabbing at any produce she can reach amidst my Arabic lessons with gazillions of people all around: Stressor #5. Najwa asks me to entertain Hagar by navigating the cart through gazillions of people: Stressor #6. Najwa gives Hagar some peanuts in attempt to calm her down!!!! I think to myself  “are you serious? This cannot really be happening right now.": Stressor #7 (btw readers, you NEVER give peanuts to small children - they will choke). Sarah chokes on the peanuts: Stressor #8. We arrive at the meat counter. Najwa hands the peanuts to me to feed her daughter while she orders meat at the counter: Stressor #9, 10, and 11! Hagar chokes again and Najwa reprimands me for giving her peanuts that are too big?! Aren’t they all about the same size!!!!!!: Stressor # 11-29. Claire, Addell, Mahmood are headed to checkout and are now waiting on us. Najwa does not hurry any faster. I feel bad because I know they are just standing outside waiting for us: Stressor # 30. We finally checkout (a good 20 minutes later). We go outside and find only Claire and Mahmood. Apparently, Addell had gone back inside to use the restroom. Najwa goes back inside to tell her sister we are ready to go. Claire follows. Mahmood follows. Lucy is left standing outside the grocery store cold, about to throw up, back aching, starting to cramp with a full grocery cart waiting for everyone to get back for about 10 minutes: (stressor #31-117) I feel the baby move for the first time. (remove the last 50 stressors and actually smile to myself, while texting Jack to tell him the fun news.) Load everyone, a week’s worth of groceries PLUS Addell’s groceries back into the car while trying to remain standing and not throw up: (stressor #100) Drive home squished in the backseat with Hagar crying, and Mahmood pushing the buttons on Emet’s toy ENDLESSLY until we arrived back at the apartment: (stressor #100-110) Said goodbye, took the groceries inside, set them on the counter, crashed on the couch. The end.

a week down

(these won't all be this long, I promise)
So I've been here about a week and it has really been wild. I am experiencing and being overloaded with so much stuff that I even have a hard time recalling everything that I could tell you. Most of our days have the same schedule: language training until 4pm, and then an extremely unpredictable evening of social interactions with local Arabs. Fortunately for my memory, we write a journal every evening of our experiences that day and send them to our director. Below are some excerpts from those:


11.14.10 - Tonight I heard Addell say إن شاء الله (InshAllah, meaning God Willing) at least 12 times while on the phone, and a few times to me personally. My parents weren’t lying, they say it all the time.  Arabs (Addell, at least) are extremely apologetic about and lack of hospitality shown on their part. She apologized for leaving Jack & Lucy’s to go get Mahmood from the sitter because we had to go before we ate dinner, and for not having more cereal at the house this morning. She offers things to me constantly so I guess I will just have to get used to it; I know it’s her way of showing that she cares and values me as a guest. When I said I could take her to school in the morning, she declined a few times before agreeing.
Cooking with Addell calmed some of my anxieties about the food, but I still think about it a lot and it is constantly a worry of mine. For example, I may be preoccupied the whole afternoon thinking about dinner and how I will handle it if she makes some food especially for me that I am afraid to eat. But I handled it today and everything went fine! Addell and I have already begun to laugh and joke with one another, so it encourages me even more about the great friendship we will have. 


11.15.10 -  Today over dinner Addell tells me that she doesn’t really miss Iraq and she has no intention of ever going back. This seems strange to me, but maybe it isn’t to her. Although, she did say she misses her mother a lot and her siblings some (she has four sisters and two other brothers). Najwa is very eager to teach us Arabic words. She also teased Lucy a bit about her “pregnant brain” (she is pregnant, btw, and has a lack of ability to remember words) which I thought was funny and hopefully she did, too. I talked with both sisters about what plans and strategies will work well for them for upcoming meals. Addell is usually wanting to do things the way we want them and often says “as you like”, so it is difficult at times to get her to show or tell us the way that is customary in the Gulf. It is enjoyable, though, to sit with her and exchange vocabulary since we are each learning each other’s language.


11.16.10 - To my knowledge, Addell didn’t do anything special today for Eid (a Muslim holiday). She did, however, make a traditional Arabic soup and actually sit down and eat it with me, something that she has never done.  So I’m not sure if that was for Eid or not. We had a good talk over our meal. She told me that her husband died about four years ago and Mahmood never knew him. She also said that she was once engaged to her much older cousin and they loved each other. It  never worked out and she said it was because of his mother's disapproval of her. They still love each other, but he got married recently for the first time and is due twin girls soon. He talked with her about getting  married after her husband  died, but she declined because of Mahmood, because “[she’s] gotten fat” and is “crazy”. She was chuckling when she said all this so I don’t know how much of it is genuine. I asked her if she would want to marry now, and she said no, that she likes her life here and wants to work. She did say that she sometimes dreams about him still. She seems to think that I will marry a Bahraini man, but to be careful because the men are allowed to divorce at will and keep the kids (the women have no say). When I asked her why she and Mahmood have different last names, she says the women there keep their last names, "your name is your name, its a family name."  Mahmood and I played a card game that I brought home for him today. It was pretty simple and dealt with numbers, something I know he’s working on at school. All the cards have insects on them and I am teaching him the names. His pronunciations are hilarious, beetle is "beetler" and ladybug is "laillybugs". I had him say them on the phone to my sister because it's just so cute.
Our language trainer, Abdul, tells us that long beards are a sign of high religious devotion. I think it’s funny that this extremely long beard is a respected thing, while in the States only bums and unkempt old men have long beards.


11.17.10 - While on the phone, Addell told her friend about me, who then offered to have me over this weekend. This Iraqi woman has been here only two months and speaks no English. I told Addell I could help her and she said that would be good. I then explained our method of language learning again, but this time she says she thinks it’s a good way to learn.
This evening Najwa was telling Lucy and I the importance of jewelry to women in the Gulf. I remember my college Arabic teacher telling me the significance of it: the women buy large jewels and stones so that if they ever find  themselves in financial trouble (possibly because of a surprise divorce),  they have money on them. 


11.18.10 - Mahmood said more words today than I have ever heard from him. I spent the whole 90 minutes at the market entertaining him to keep him out of his mother’s hair while she shopped. We walked (well, he ran) around together and I asked him in Arabic what things were and he knew every word. He would even get irritated with me when I asked him to repeat them. I think he really is just struggling with using both languages. While at the market Addell was saying that everyone in there was Muslim, expect for a few, who she said were [insert gesture of two fingers making a cross] – so I said “Christian?” – “yes, Christian”. It almost seemed as though that was new to her, being around non-Muslims that is. She said it completely neutrally, though, as simply a matter of fact. 
I will try to post Lucy's experience at the market later because it is really funny.

the M word

Training has started and it's been a roller-coaster of emotions. I'll give you the rundown of what's happened so far:

In the afternoon Saturday we all gathered at the training house for a few hours of orientation. Because we certainly can't call ourselves missionaries (the M word), a term that is respected within the church but brings negative feelings for others, we will be "language workers". Due to my experience in the legal field, I will be "specializing" in English for attorneys and the like. I have always known we must be sensitive about what we call ourselves or say that we are doing, but do think it's funny that our teacher won't even say the word missionary - it's just that bad! Historically, missionaries have come in to areas and been overly aggressive, pushy, and tried to force their religion on others. That isn't at all what we want to do, so we will have to battle some negative perceptions.
We are down in Southern California in an area called "Little Arabia" that is filled with Arabs from a variety of countries. This allows us to learn about Arab culture before we arrive in Bahrain, and hopefully so we won't make many horribly rude mistakes (fairly simple for an American to do!). The past four days have been a complete information overload, but I will try my best to describe what I've been doing (it's so long because there is so much to say!):

Language Training: Each morning we meet around 8 am for a full day of Arabic tutoring. We have been extremely blessed with a 27 year-old Saudi man, who we'll call Abdul, that has agreed to teach us for this month. He is also living with Jason and Will in their apartment to teach them other cultural nuances. Throughout the day Abdul will explain to us customary practices in the area, usually stemming from a new vocabulary word we've learned. For example, if you are at someone's house and they offer you something, you pretty much have to accept. It is a culture that is very focused on hospitality, which includes being hospitable to guests, and accepting hospitality from hosts. Most of the customs he describes, though, involve how to act at meals and what is expected of the host and guests. The customs vary wildly for males and females, who are always kept separate if not related. When you first enter a home, you will sit down for a chat and they will promptly bring you tea or coffee. They don't ask, it's just served. If you want more you just set your cup down, but if you don't want more, you shake your cup, say "shu'kran" (thank you) and then set it down. Hosts will always try to offer a meal if it is after sunset, so you should, but are not obligated to stay.
          So far, we have learned several sets of vocabulary words (animals, family members, household objects) and verbs (sit, stand, walk, jump, take, give, etc...). It is occasionally frustrating for Abdul when he is trying to come up with the Arabic equivalent for English words because sometimes there isn't one, or there is more than one. The general word "bird" doesn't really translate because there are three words for bird, each indicating size. There isn't a word just for "kid", but a word for baby, child, teen, etc... age and gender have to be denoted. When I think about actually being able to speak Arabic, I get a bit overwhelmed because it seems so impossible, but then  I realize that three days ago, if someone had said to me in Arabic to "take the horse (figurine), walk to the couch, and give it to Lucy" I wouldn't have known what that means. So the task seems daunting, but it is doable!

Company Meetings: Because neither Abdul, nor any of our Arab friends know that we are M-words, we have our team meetings in the mornings before language class. During these meetings we exchange stories and learning experiences from our previous night, and then pray together. Yesterday, a young married woman (who has spent her life ministering to Muslims in Kurdistan) shared with us the role of women in Islam. Islam is an honor-shame based culture, and people can live and and die by the honor or shame they bring to their family. However, most of it is carried in the women, the men have a much lower standard for their behavior. For example, if a man is making advances to a woman and she accepts, she is the one who has brought shame on her family, not him. This is the reason the men are so protective of their women; they have the potential to bring great shame to their families and should be prevented the opportunity as much as possible.
Many of the men will not allow their women to spend time with us foreigners until they believe us to be very honorable. We will gain this honor in two ways: through our dress and our relationships. Lucy and I will have to constantly be aware of how we are being perceived and make efforts to appear respectable in their eyes.

courtesy flikr: Toloy Tutanai

My Host Family: I have the wonderful opportunity to live in an Arabic Muslim household during training and learn the culture. I am living with a woman we'll call Addell, who is an Iraqi widow here on refugee status with her 5 year-old son Mahmood (not his real name). She is a devout Muslim and wears a hijab (head covering) and very conservative clothing: covered from neck to forearm to ankle, and shirts past her hips (which is what I wear also). Addell is in her early thirties and has only been in the States for 5 months, so we get to practice our language with each other. I can usually understand her, and even if we are with other English speakers she often looks to me to translate what they are saying, or to come up with the words she needs to speak. She has a sister named Najwa (not her real name) who is married to a grumpy old Palestinian man, Saed, and has an extremely smiley 14 month-old girl named Hagar (again, not her real name). Saed (this fake name means 'happy' haha) is a taxi driver and he and Najwa live around the corner from us. Every evening when I get home from class, Addell offers me food. She will prepare the food and will sit with me while I eat, but she doesn't eat anything because in Arab culture the host does not eat with the guests. I don't know why. I think that she is trying to make me fat, though, because I am always served abnormally large portions of food, and once was even told to eat two dinners, one at 4:30 with her, and one at 6:00 with Najwa and Lucy. When I am getting ready for bed in the evening, she always comes to see if I need anything and does the same thing in the morning when I'm getting ready. The first night I arrived and she showed me to my bedroom, I figured she would be sleeping in the room with me in the other bed, however, once bed time rolled around, she and Ahmed made up beds on the couch! I told her she could sleep with me in the bedroom, but she insisted that she would sleep in the living room. This is something that she does to be hospitable, and could never be talked out of it; it's how she shows she values me as a guest. In the mornings she makes me cereal, but uses hot milk, which was extremely surprising on the first bite. I imagine that I will eventually learn to like it, but for now it's still strange and prevents me from eating quickly to get to class on time.
      Addell is taking English, computer, and driving classes, so in the evenings we sit and exchange vocabulary with each other. She told me that she has the equivalent of an Associate's degree and used to run a sewing factory. She hadn't been able to find work, but just yesterday she got offered a seamstress job by a lady who is opening a sewing/alterations business. It was so cute when she came to tell me. I was sitting in my room on my computer and she walked in and said "I have good...how you say...new..." And I interjected "News?", "yes! good news! I got sewing job!" She was so excited and I was extremely happy for her, probably even happier than the last time I got a job. We hugged and she told me it was good pay and that she would start in three weeks. That will allow her to pay her rent, other bills, and to get internet.
     About four nights a week, Addell or Najwa take Lucy and me to the Arabic market to buy food, which we take back to Jack & Lucy's to cook. They show us how to prepare and serve traditional Khalichi (the name for the Gulf-type of Arabic) dishes, like the one pictured above. The first meal we had was terribly unhealthy - everything was cooked in oil, the vegetables, the rice, the meat  - everything. The men usually eat this very traditional dish with their hands while sitting on the floor. The rice, vegetables, and lamb/beef/chicken is all mixed together (and then cooked in oil again), and then served on one large platter that is placed in the middle of the group. After the meal, tea or coffee is served, followed by Hookah. I'm not sure exactly what the women do for these large meals, but I'm sure I will learn soon.

I did a report of my financial numbers today and am 98% funded! الحمد لله Alhamdulillah (Praise be to God)! Hopefully I will be able to post every few days, but if I don't it's just because I'm so busy learning to speak the Arabic language and cooking Arabic food!

Training has started!

Training started last Saturday and things have been crazy since then. I promise I'm working on a good post with all the information and stories that you'll want. Once I find a minute to do that, I certainly will. I haven't been able to call any of my friends and only called my parents once! But things are going well and I'm still alive -

Bittersweet

And so I write this on my last night in my apartment - It's 2AM and I lay in my bed in my empty bedroom. I have spent the past few days packing and saying goodbye to friends, which is still quite surreal. I have been preparing for and talking about this for nearly a year now, so it's strange that it's actually happening. My roommate and I still haven't found a sub-leaser for my bedroom, but through diligent prayer, I know the Lord will provide. Saying goodbye to San Francisco is so bittersweet because while I'm excited to start a new chapter in my life, I have loved this city and hate to go. This wonderful world of the weirdest people, cutest restaurants, and beautiful scenery is a place I hope to live in again. I wish that I had two lives, that I could continue to live here and maintain the relationships I've built so far AND be in Bahrain. However, I also know that something even better is awaiting me: relationships with Muslims who want to know Jesus.

I have a number of anxieties about the coming weeks, the most immediate of which regards my living situation during training. I found out the other day that I will be staying with a young Iraqi widow and her 5 year-old son in their apartment. This woman's husband was killed during the recent war, so she and her sister are here with refugee status. This arrangement is very exciting for a number of reasons: I will get to work on my Arabic, I will get to understand the culture a bit more, but most importantly I will get to know a Muslim woman. Along with excitement, though, comes nervousness. I have never been someone's live-in guest for so long, and I don't know what she's expecting, but I do know this could be a very wonderful thing for the both of us.

A very specific prayer request: Some of you may know this, but others of you may not: I am an extremely picky eater with an intense phobia of trying new foods. As you can imagine, this could potentially present huge problems in a place where there aren't things like quesadillas or spaghetti . My team is aware of it (and let me join them anyways!), but as this trip nears, I get more and more anxious about it. I don't know what the solution is or even what to pray for about it, but it causes me great anxiety because of the implications it will have socially.

In just 34 hours I will be at Missionary Training!

Desiring God

Photo Courtesy Flikr: Garda

Before I get to training, I am finishing up a little assignment given to me: to read and journal about some passages from a few books, one of them being Desiring God, by John Piper. In it he quotes a man named David Bryant (from his book In the Gap), who said this of what he calls World Christians:

"We want to accept personal responsibility for reaching some of earth's unreached, especially from among the billions at the widest end of the Gap who can only be reached through major new efforts by God's people. Among every people-group where there is no vital, evangelizing Christian community there should be, there must be one, there shall be one. Together we want to make this happen."

The meaning of this, for me, is twofold: my acceptance of this goal to  reach the unevangelized, and to join with other believers in doing so. I intend to commit my life to both of these things, even beyond this initial step into the Gulf.

Great Friends

My friends put on a wonderful fund raising dinner for me back in October where we raised over $700. They organized everything and cooked all the food - what great friends I have! It is such a blessing to be a part of a body of Christ here that encourages and supports one another in their pursuit of spreading the gospel.

photo courtesy Christine C.

My mother, whom I don't often use to the word "friend" to describe, is actually a great friend as well. She likes to write notes to me with encouraging words and has been doing this since she put them in my grade school sack lunches. Most recently she writes, 

"Claire", For your Bahrain Trip: 

Joshua 1:8 "Be bold and strong! Banish fear and doubt! For remember, the Lord Your God is with you wherever you go." Love, Mom Oct. 14, 2010"

the countdown

I LEAVE MY HOME AND BEGIN TRAINING IN 8 DAYS
holy cow. I still have lots to do.